


Pitter-Patter

by kiirosenpai



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, He deserves to be happy, M/M, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Suicide, Tokyo 2020 Summer Olympics, dont forget my worthless pride, i just need to do this, i need my bitch to be happy, idk man, iwaoi - Freeform, oikawa deserves to win against jpn, pls let oikawa win against japan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25239448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiirosenpai/pseuds/kiirosenpai
Summary: Iwaizumi never really liked the rain. It was lonely and cold, and Oikawa came with it.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro & Matsukawa Issei, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	Pitter-Patter

* * *

“Iwa-chan”

He heard it before he saw him.

Iwaizumi still felt groggy even after sleeping for what felt like years. His body was too heavy. He could hear the pitter-patter of the rain on the window of his room. He slowly opened his eyes and found his best friend staring down at him with the grin that he has long fallen in love with, plastered on his face.

Iwaizumi wanted so bad to reach out and brush his thumb across the other man’s cheek. He wanted so bad to pull him down and smother him with kisses, and whine about how much he missed him. He wanted to tell him how he missed him for the last six years too. California was barely as good as everyone else said, when he didn’t hear a single word from the love of his life. He lost count of how many times he was tempted to drop everything and fly to Argentina and give his whole life in search of his best friend; how badly he wanted to reach out to Hinata after seeing his photo with him two years ago; how badly he wanted to shout the setter's name, when he watched the last match at the Tokyo 2020 Olympics - but he couldn’t because tears blurred his vision and nothing would come out of his mouth but wails and hiccups. After six years of nothing, Oikawa Tooru was finally right in front of him again. Spiking like he has never spiked before. Fighting like it was his last.

And now he was on his bed, running soothing circles on his scalp. There were so many things Iwaizumi wanted to say, but all that left his lips were the words “Guess it's raining again, huh”

Oikawa faked a pained expression. “Iwa-chan, you should be happy that it’s raining!”

“The only time you ever visit me is when it rains,” Iwaizumi shifted on his bed, the feeling of Oikawa’s fingers on his head, suddenly gone. He regretted moving. “I finally see you after six long years, and then you would only show up when it rains? And you want me to be happy about that?” he continued.

He stifled a yawn, suddenly feeling tired again. _Was he skipping his exercises lately?_

He soon found himself back on the deep pits of sleep, barely making out Oikawa’s sad smile as his eyes fluttered close.

* * *

* * *

“Ehhh, Makki can’t make it again today?” Oikawa was jutting out his lower lip in a way that made Iwaizumi itch all over. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch or kiss the pout out of his face.

He didn’t have to do anything about it though, since it wasn’t directed at him. The person at the receiving end, Matsukawa, released a loud sigh before pushing Oikawa’s face away.

They were at the newly opened Cafe close to the university Iwaizumi went to. He was somehow expecting something like this would happen. It wasn’t an out-of-the-blue kind of meet up, but it wasn’t well-planned either. But it would have been nice to be together again. Just the four of them. It has been a while after all.

“I told you, it’s his exam week, and psychiatry ain’t really easy you know,” Matsukawa said, “And he needs to do well so he can have his internship on a nice hospital”

“Uwaa, Our Makki is all grown up now I wanna cry” scoffed Oikawa, dramatically placing a hand over his heart.

“You’re the only one who hasn't grown up yet,” Matsukawa retorted, ever the impassive face.

“Mattsun, that’s mean!”

“Still, I can’t believe you two are living together now,” Iwaizumi interjected.

Matsukawa didn’t even try to be shy about it. He gave a small nod before saying, “I can’t believe you two still aren’t”

It was as if a fuse blew up inside Oikawa’s head. His face instantly flushed, as he stammered his way through explaining how that will not be possible because of Iwaizumi’s violent antics and how he was scared he might end up dead in a ditch somewhere.

“You might as well be dead right now, shittykawa!”

Matsukawa sighed in defeat and said, “You two are both idiots who will be alone forever because of your idiocy.”

* * *

When it started pouring, all three decided to call it a day. Not before making half-hearted promises about their next meet-up, and a quick snapshot to make Hanamaki jealous.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi shared an umbrella as they walked side by side. Without any words, It was automatically understood that Iwaizumi would walk Oikawa home. For years, it had been one of the many unspoken things between them that they both stubbornly pretend not to notice. 

Iwaizumi’s thoughts went back to their conversation at the Cafe. The thought of living together with Oikawa made his heart flutter. He suddenly felt like he had to confess right then and there. The rain dripping from the other end of the umbrella made Oikawa move closer to him until their shoulders were touching. Iwaizumi was choking on his own heart when the other broke the silence.

“How’s university treating you, Iwa-chan?”

That was enough to make him forget about his current dilemma. Oikawa rarely asked about his studies. “Err.. Fine, I guess," he answered, "There’s really not much happening in Sports Science."

“You wanted to intern for Takashi-san in Irvine right?”

Iwaizumi nodded, chewing on the inside of his cheeks. He almost forgot about that little dream he had. “I wanted to, but California is kind of far don’t you think?”

“You should go.”

“What? No, But -” Iwaizumi was sure his eyes conveyed the message as clear as day. _I don’t want to leave you._

But Oikawa was quick to avert his gaze. “I might… I might leave”

“What?”

“I made a promise to myself. I have to beat Ushijima and Tobio on court. And I will not be able to do that here.”

_Right._

“I worked so hard, put myself through a lot of things for that goal. You understand, right Iwa-chan?”

_Of course._

  
  


Under the umbrella they shared, they stood close to each other but the distance he felt between them kept growing until it was ready to swallow them whole.

Iwaizumi never really liked the rain. It was cold and lonely, and it was taking Oikawa away.

* * *

* * *

  
  


_Pitter patter. Pitter patter._

The sound of the rain was the first thing he took in as he was brought back to consciousness. Iwaizumi blinked the sleep off his eyes. What day was it? 

“The weather report said it’s going to rain for three straight days!” Oikawa exclaimed excitedly.

Iwaizumi almost jumped out of his skin. He didn’t even realize his best friend was still there.

“Aren’t you glad?” the man beamed at him with hopeful eyes. Oh how Iwaizumi wanted to savor that view. But it was gone in an instant as he continued, “But it will be the last rain, before the long, long dry spell”

That made Iwaizumi sit up. “You won’t be coming by anymore?”

As though he didn’t hear the question, Oikawa turned to point at something. “Your food is ready, you should eat. You’ve been sleeping all day,” he said.

Iwaizumi followed his gaze and saw the tray on the floor. It had soup and a pair of sandwiches on it. “I told you not to put the food on the floor!” he said as he got up.

“But I didn’t!” Oikawa cried out, earning a glare from the other. 

Iwaizumi mumbled something about how stupid it was to lie when he was already caught red-handed. 

When he was about to stoop down to get the tray, he suddenly noticed how different his door was. He took a few steps towards it, in a trance. His hands slowly reached out for the knob when Oikawa’s voice pulled him out of his reverie.

“Iwa-chan!” 

Iwaizumi turned to see Oikawa patting the space on the floor beside him. “It’s bad to make the food wait,” he said, flashing the smile that had the other man wrapped around his finger.

* * *

* * *

“It’s bad to make the food wait,” Oikawa said, before taking Iwaizumi’s hand and dragging him out of the room.

Practice just finished that day when Oikawa invited the other three third years to come over. Matsukawa and Hanamaki however, already had other plans. Iwaizumi made a comment on how the two had been spending more alone time lately, and whether or not they had something they wanted to share with them - to which Hanamaki spluttered his drink in an effort to retort. Matsukawa saved him when he said, “What about you? Isn’t there something you want to share with Oikawa?” 

It was Iwaizumi’s turn to choke as Oikawa insisted on knowing what it was.

It was already raining cats and dogs when they arrived at Oikawa’s place. The latter decided to make a warm dinner for both of them, while Iwaizumi waited in his room.

“Food is ready!” Oikawa later called out from below. Iwaizumi heard him, but his body wouldn’t move. He found himself burying his face on Oikawa’s pillow, taking in nothing but his scent. It sent shivers all over his body, and made his heart ache as he realized how much he longed for his best friend. _Best friend._ They’ve been that for as long as Iwaizumi could remember. He wasn’t sure when he started seeing him that way; when he started causing the erratic heart beats; when the strong feeling of wanting to keep him all to himself started. He wasn’t sure of anything but the fact that he couldn’t live without Oikawa anymore.

“What are you doing?”

Iwaizumi jumped in surprise. He felt his face burning as he tried and failed to come up with something, anything that at least sounded japanese. 

Oikawa chuckled. “Did the practice wear you out?” he asked. Iwaizumi frantically nodded. “Come on, we already have Mondays off. You can’t be complaining now,” the team captain went on.

“I didn’t say I was complaining about anything, Crappykawa!” 

Oikawa chose to ignore this and said, “Don’t worry, it’s our final year anyway,”

_Right. High school was almost done._

The feeling crept up on Iwaizumi like a leech, slowly sucking the life out of him. High school was almost done. He only had a few months left to walk Oikawa home, to see him at school first thing in the morning, to spike his tosses, to hear him say he believes in them before every match, a few months left to tell him he loves him. 

Oikawa didn’t miss a beat. He playfully wrapped an arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulder and said, “Don’t worry, Iwa-chan. I won’t go anywhere. I’ll be right where you are. Even if you cry and beg me to leave, I will never ever - ah!” He stopped halfway, as if suddenly realizing something. “My laundry!” He jumped up, “I forgot to bring them in when we got home! Oh, they must be wet with rainwater right now,” he cried before running to open the door to his veranda. 

The sound of the rain enveloped the room. Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa clumsily tried to take all of his hanging laundry in one go. Everything the man did, no matter how stupid, seemed beautiful.

“I love you, Oikawa”

“What?” the setter asked when he walked back in the room, desperately holding on to all of his clothes. Iwaizumi could feel his heart leaping out of his body. “Did you say something? Sorry, the sound of the rain muffled your voice”

Oikawa managed to drop his clothes in a corner, and turned to face his best friend.  
“It’s bad to make the food wait,” he said, before taking Iwaizumi’s hand and dragging him out of the room.

  
  


Iwaizumi never really liked the rain. It was cold and lonely, and it smelled of false hope.

* * *

* * *

He woke up half expecting the sound of the pitter-pattering of the rain. Instead, what he heard was humming.

He was lying on the floor, his head on Oikawa’s thigh while the latter played with his hair. “Oh! You’re awake again,” he said. His mouth continued moving but Iwaizumi failed to take in anything he was saying.

His mind was back on his dream. He could almost feel his heart swell up as he, for the nth time, realized how much he loved Oikawa, and how bad he wanted to be with him. He started wondering if he should let him know now. If he should take one of the unspoken things between them and speak about it. If he did that, will he tell him he loved him too? If he did that, will he start coming over even if it didn’t rain? But what if he didn’t feel the same? What if he stopped coming altogether? 

_Should he tell him?_

He slowly reached out to brush a thumb across Oikawa's cheek.

_Could he tell him?_

Oikawa leaned in to his touch, sending waves of electricity straight to his heart.

He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when he noticed how sad Oikawa was looking down at him.

“You’re always tired lately, Iwa-chan,” the voice was barely a whisper. “Get some rest.”

* * *

* * *

Practice. Practice. Sacrifices. And more practice. 

Oikawa gave up everything he had to reach his goal: to beat Ushijima and Kageyama on court. He always knew the two would find themselves part of the Japan National Team.

Practice. Practice. Practice.

He even chose to be apart from Iwaizumi, choosing to push aside everything he felt for him, only for his goal.

Practice. Practice. Sacrifices. And more practice.

But in an instant, everything he worked for was gone. The sound of the ball hitting the floor followed by what seemed to be a never ending buzz of the whistle rang in his ears. Japan National Team beat Club Atletico San Juan in a full set. 

Ushijima and Kageyama beat Oikawa once more.

The setter found himself on the floor of his changing room, bawling his eyes out. The rest of his team were still on the court, shaking hands with whoever was willing. Oikawa didn’t have the spirit for that. He didn't have the spirit to pretend everything was alright. He didn’t even have the spirit to go on. 

His knuckles were bleeding from his repeated attempts to punch a hole through the floor. His wails bounced off the walls of the room. He didn’t even notice the door creaking open. He didn’t even notice a hand landing on the small of his back.

“I don’t care what everyone else says, you were the best out there,” a voice said.

Halfway through the sentence, Oikawa froze up. It was the voice he thought he would never hear again unless it was in his dream. It was the voice he used to imagine saying comforting words to him whenever he had a bad day at practice. It was the voice that made his heart do flip-flops, and made him feel like everything might be alright afterall.

He quickly turned and found Iwaizumi on his knees. He looked like he didn't age a day. His eyes were red and swollen but he still managed to grin at Oikawa. The grin he missed for six long years. The grin he has long fallen in love with.

Oikawa jumped into his arms. He didn’t think it was possible to cry even louder. “Iwa-chan,” he kept calling out. 

“I’m right here,” the other man answered every time.

* * *

After what felt like hours of crying and apologies, Oikawa managed to stagger to his feet, with Iwaizumi still holding him close. The rest of the team were already back in the changing room, offering him words of comfort and encouragement. None of it really made it through the setter’s ears. There was a gaping hole inside him, and nothing else made sense. His entire being clutched tightly onto Iwaizumi’s existence right then. It was the only thing that kept him sane.

After tending to his wounded hand, the two agreed to meet up at Oikawa’s hotel later that night. Iwaizumi apparently went there with a team of his own, and not as an audience. He was the assistant coach for the Irvine Polar Bears, the team Takashi Utsui was handling.

“Wait for me, alright? I have something very important to tell you,” were Iwaizumi’s last words before leaving.

* * *

_Tired._

Oikawa was tired. He never realized how broad the word was. He used to think it only applied to the physical body. He didn’t think it would suffice for the entirety of what he felt.

He was almost dragging his feet, on his way to their team’s bus. He couldn’t wait to arrive at the hotel. He couldn’t wait to lie down. He couldn’t wait to hold Iwaizumi once more.

  
  


“That was the assistant coach for Irvine Polar Bears, right?” he overheard two old men talking from a short distance.

“Man, he’s so young! Takashi-san must think highly of him,” the other said.

“Ah, maybe he just looks young? He’s getting married after all”

Oikawa stopped on his tracks.

“Really?”

“Yes, he’s marrying the team’s manager. She’s a total catch! He’s very lucky,” the old man said before chuckling.

  
  


_“I have something very important to tell you”_ the words played in repeat inside his head. 

Oikawa couldn’t breathe.

  
  


* * *

Iwaizumi took a while explaining to his team’s manager and coach that he won’t be going back to California with them. Relief filled his chest when they both cheered for him in the end.

“Oh, Don’t forget to call me if you need any more help with the wedding preparation!” He told his manager before running off.

“Huh? Weren’t you two getting married?” asked one of the players, inducing a laughter from the manager. 

“No, he was just helping me with all the preparations,” she said. “Our Iwaizumi is actually kind of romantic.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


The ride to the hotel might have taken an hour, or it might have been just five minutes. Oikawa had no idea. His mind seemed to have left his body ages ago. He kept picturing Iwaizumi in a white suit. Smiling that warm smile. With a woman in a wedding dress at his side.

The next thing he knew, he found himself in the bathroom of his hotel room. His knuckles bled through the bandage wrapped around it after giving one hard blow to the mirror in front of him. 

He looked down at his reflection on one of the broken pieces.

What was he doing? Iwaizumi was on his way to tell him about his marriage. He might even ask him to be his best man. He would still be part of Iwaizumi’s life.

He would be part of his life, to watch him be happy with someone else.

Tired.

Oikawa was tired.

All his volleyball career had been to prove his underclassman and his rival wrong. It had been for his pride. He gave up everything possible for it, and now he had nothing. Not his pride. Not his glory. And not his best friend. Not the love of his life.

* * *

The rain pitter-pattered on the roof of the car. Iwaizumi never really liked the rain. 

But that was the last thing he worried about. He might be losing his mind. He was excited to see Oikawa and have him in his arms again, but at the same time he was scared. He wanted to be there as soon as possible, but at the same time he wanted to take his time. 

But he wasn’t planning to back out. He wasn’t planning to hide behind the unspoken things anymore. He would convey his feelings out loud this time. And if Oikawa doesn’t hear it, he would say it again and again and again. He would say it as many times as he had to. Even if his tongue fell off, even if he lost his voice. He would say it.

His heart pranced through his chest when he arrived at the hotel. Fumbling with the spare key Oikawa handed to him earlier, like an idiot. 

His heart did flips when he walked in to find an empty room. His heart hammered when he looked around in search of his best friend. 

His heart stopped.

The whole world seemed to have stopped.

He found him in the bathroom. 

_Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter. Iwaizumi never really liked the rain._

* * *

The tiles on the floor felt cold against his skin. So did the glass he had in hand.

It slid cleanly into his flesh and ripped at the nerves and veins but surprisingly, it didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt because there were many, many worse things.

Oikawa had always wished to be cleansed of all his selfishness and greed like this. And it has finally come.

* * *

_It was cold._

_And lonely._

_And it took Oikawa away._

* * *

* * *

Iwaizumi jumped awake, drenched in sweat and short of breath. 

“Bad dream?” Oikawa was sitting across him, with an inquisitive look.

Iwaizumi realized he fell asleep leaning on the low table. His whole body ached. But that didn’t matter. Oikawa was right in front of him. Everything was just a dream. Everything was alright with the world.

He moved to wrap the other in a warm embrace, holding him close to his chest.

“You…” Iwaizumi started, “Don’t you ever leave my side again,” he said. 

He had to say it now.

He had to. 

_Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter_

“Oikawa, for a long time”

_Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter_

_“_ I have always loved you,”

Utter silence.

A minute passed, then he felt Oikawa’s body tremble against his as the setter cried. Iwaizumi tightened his hold, promising himself that it would be the last time he made his best friend cry.

There was a knock on the door. 

Iwaizumi looked up and once again noticed how weird his door was. It was a single door with a rectangular window on it. He thought it was weird to put such a big window on the door, allowing everyone outside to see right through. He began thinking back to the previous years he had been living there, and why he was finding it odd only now. He couldn't seem to find anything in his memory.

On the window of the door, he saw a familiar boy clad in white peeking in. He had short-cropped pink-brown hair with slightly beady eyes.

_Hanamaki?_

Was that Hanamaki? But how did he know where he lived? When was the last time they saw each other? Iwaizumi’s thoughts flew in and out of his mind when Oikawa suddenly spoke.

“You’re cruel, Iwa-chan,” he said before looking up.

_Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter_

There was a pool of pain inside Oikawa's eyes, and Iwaizumi dove right in. His heart tightened, he couldn't breathe.

“Why didn’t you say that to me when I was alive?” Oikawa's voice was barely a whisper.

  
  


_Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter_

There was a knock on the door.

“Iwaizumi-san?” The person outside called. “I’m coming in okay? It’s time for your medicine.”

* * *

Iwaizumi promised he will learn to love the rain, no matter how cold and lonely it got. No matter how ominous it felt.

He promised he will learn to love it.

_So please. Please, God. Bring the rain back._

* * *

* * *


End file.
